Need a new job..now

I know we all tend to complain about our bosses, I believe it's natural and if you DONT, then you're very lucky.

My boss is becoming a huge obstacle in my life. Never have I ever felt so belittled and so frustrated because of someone I work for. I understand being a tough boss to ensure things get done, or even micro managers who have control issues. (Face it ladies, we all have control issues, it's in our blood.)

But this boss takes the cake! She always assumes we (as in myself and the rest of the employees) are automatically messing up. She is that girl who assumes that because her man doesn't answer her call, he's cheating. Same thing with us. When a customer wants to know the status of their order, instead of asking that individual, she automatically assumes it wasn't sent out. It drives me nuts and it's to the point where it's affecting my home life!

Constantly rude and disrespectful. I will never forget one time she had a meeting with 3 of us (the other 3 office employees were out of the office) and she had the audacity to say, "i'm not a cheerleader." That's fine, but when you're the owner of the company, you have to suck it up and put on a face. Don't be a cheerleader, but be a leader!

Wow, I feel much better now...Now, if only I could get another job...

It's almost 2010....

A reflection of 2009..and the many surprises it brought...wonder what 2010 holds for me!

This year had a bunch of surprises in store for me!! First off, I got out of a bad relationship with a jerk and felt the strength to find someone who would appreciate me and put me first in their life...and shortly following this huge decision, I get laid off from work. My plans for financial independence, a better credit score, and a place of my own were definitely put on hold...some great start to a new year..

I began pushing harder at the gym though and at one point saw a 6 pound weight loss in 2 weeks! Pretty huge when the average weight loss per week is about 1 -2 lbs...but then again, heavier folk can lose more than skinny folk. So maybe the year isn't that bad...gives me more time at the gym since I'm not working..but job hunting sucks...

An occurance that very well may change my life (and so far, it has). I meet Greg, amazing, gorgeous, loving greg. I have found the one for me, but he lives in texas...and I'm in california...what to do? At least we had 3 beautiful weeks together before we had to work out the kinks!

Pain like I've never know before!! April 1 came and I was away from Greg again...after that painful goodbye, we knew what we had to do...we had to be together and the only place that was possible? Texas. I would be making the move to Texas again, but with someone who stole my heart.

During this life altering change, I thought the one person who would be the most supportive turned out not only to be truly selfish, but very envious and un-supportive...wow, I guess tough times do bring out ones true self. Lesson learned and maybe a hint I should listen to my better friends. Then the big move and tough goodbyes. I hated saying goodbye to friends and family, but there are times when you have to move forward into the future. Thus began a new chapter and a crappy drive.

June! Never have I experienced such horrible heat! 95 degress on the average and humid!!! And this city called Houston has 7 million people? WHY?! At least I'm with the one I love...and his mom =/ Not what one expects when first living together with someone, but the sacrifices we all make for the people we love. Finally, work! Babysitting...it is really a job, anyone who has never experienced caring for children, you don't know what a job is!!!

I'm officially over being in houston, with the heat, and no real interaction with people...but more fun to come, have to move greg out of his old apartment and search for a new one! Ended up signing papers that same day and bam! We have a move in date, which is two months away..great, september 16. "Just make it through the summer."

August..more goodbyes. Greg has to start school and we can't move in yet, which turns out to be 3 weeks away from greg and only seeing him on weekends...=( I hate saying goodbye to him. At least we had Gloria and Moto-Moto (Madagascar joke). The heat still bothering me too!!!

Finally the countdown until we can move into our apartment!! Now, start job searching..again (is 2009 the year for job searching for me? because I don't think I've stopped at any point...) Saying good bye to the ones I babysit (which made me sad) saying goodbye to what was my home for the summer and the dog and moving (again) into my future. Here we come, Austin, Tx. An interview! Sweet! Got a job 3 days after moving there...little did I know...

Happy Halloween! A better month, getting settled in and woopee! A second job...should I really be excited? YES! 40% discount at Torrid. Yay to me. Went to the bayou art festival in Houston! Actually purchased one piece at $25. Another great month because Kristen was in town ! (well san antonio isn't that far!) And some friendship I desperately needed! A night on sixth street for halloween was crazy, but super fun! Also made a friend!! Things are picking up...

Wait, when did holiday season hit? I'm tired, averaging 55 hours a week at both jobs. Financial stress hits!! Greg is still looking for a part time job, stressing about his upcoming finals...and hoping I get a decent schedule so we can go down to Houston for the holidays! I've also been taking advantage of a wonderful discount which doesn't help when you're trying to save...but before the month is over, Greg gets a job! Sweet! Oh, and major bonus, mom paid for bday flights home!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. This month was slow at one job and crazy at another! Christmas sales numbers are always outrageous! Yet, past sales did set the bar, so at some point, it did happen. Stress in the relationship, but that's normal, if you don't have some argument or another, someone is holding back....I'm also excited for christmas with his family with his grandparents flying in...also big dents in the wallet with all the christmas shopping...tis the season to be self-less and broke.

Which brings me to now, New years is in a few days and I'm so excited to see what is going to be going on in 2010. I live in Austin, Tx. I'm slowly making some friends and building a life. It's probably not permanent, but unitl he graduates, it's home. This year brought so many challenges, changes, and struggles and in the end, it's only made me a stronger person. Although I have yet to find a home here where God and I can connect, I'm hoping he'll guide me to one sooner than later, but it's also with my help as well. I'm learning a lot about myself and Greg and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm thankful for my love, my family, my friends, and the belssings that God chooses to bestow upon me.

When did we get into November?

Life has been a bit busy for me, I suppose. Well obviously busy enough that I can't blog anymore!! Working 60 hours a week is truly brutal. SPIBelt usually is about 45 hours a week and about 12 -18 hours at Torrid. The things we do to pay the bills, at least I get a fat discount at Torrid! Gotta love 40% off. And it keeps me busy. Plus, I never realized I love talking to people...especially about style or rather their lack there of, but then again, there was a reason they hired me.

Greg got a job too! At chipotle, but hey, we're young and these aren't careers, plus he's still in college. The only thing now is will our schedules be opposite? We shall wait and see and pray that the answer is no. We already have limited time cause i usually close during the week and don't get home until 10:30 pm.

We spent thanksgiving in Houston, but we were only there for about 2 days. I had to work and thats why we rushed back. I sooo was not motivated to go to work last night and I have thought about quitting, but the discount keeps me attached!! And goodness knows I put it to good use...shhh don't tell anyone. Thanksgiving was definitely a nice break, I went dancing with Heidi on Wednesday and OMG, did I need that!! Felt good to let go and let it all out to some good music. I do wonder if men don't understand the answer "No" when they ask you to dance...do they really think we're playing hard to get? Nonetheless, still a bomb time. And having his mom get down on her cooking, oh that was wonderful! plus we got to take home the rest of the pumpkin pie (my fav!)

And my favorite news of the holiday weekend, My mom bought us plane tickets to go to SD for my bday!!! I'm so excited to see everyone and to see my family! I miss them so much!! and it'll be a nice way to kick off the year!

I need to keep up with my blogging...it's a nice way to let out all the thoughts. Plus before I know it, my bday will be here!!

Cougar Town

Oh my god, I'm going to scream. I wrote a whole post and accientally deleted it...and sadly, can't get it back. Word to the bloggers; SAVE.

Anyhow..what did I write. OH yes, Cougar town. I watch WifeSwap during the day and it's actually a very educational show that is so insightful and yet sad. I would think grown adults would learn to be less stubborn, but no. And although as a woman of God, yes the bible says a wife should be submissive to her husband BUT he in return is to respect her as he does God and most of these jerks seem to forget that part. Back to the point, Lifetime Network aired a commerical for a new show called Cougar Town in which Courtney Cox gets divorced and realizes men that are her age (in their 40s) are dating women half their age. My personal view: it's gross. Find people your own age and leave those girls to talk to therapists to figure out when they need men twice their age. Enough said.

The big move happens in three days. I'm excited. Yet, sad at the same time. I'm going to miss his mom and Daisy, the cutest beagle ever. I've made this place my home for the past 4 months and now, i'm calling austin my home. I'm super stoked for the apartment, come on, 12x 13 bedroom with a study...but I suppose that's what change is all about...I guess the other thing that worries me is the job searching..we have to pay the utilities now and buy groceries and I still haven't gotten a job up there.

I did have an interview last week and I feel it went well, but that was last wednesday and I have yet to hear back from her. The positive note, she has an okay position that I might be able to fill until I get a job I really want. Man, I'm hoping I do hear from her. It seemed bad ass and I could wear whatever I want to work....Praying to the Lord that I see his plan..and soon.

And the countdown begins...

Less than 3 weeks to go before we move it. I'm excited, I actually get to look at decor and think, "Would that look good in the living room or the study?" I may not be able to purchase anything until I start working but the thoughts are great!

Greg already starte school and he's away from me during the week, which totally blows and that's another reason I'm so anxious to move!! I'm not looking forward to bills, but it comes with the territory. As the weeks go by...I get closer and things seem to come together. We're definitely getting there collecting our kitchen items and we won't have any furniture, but hey, we're a young couple, it's not gonna be Home and Garden in there!

Oh, JOb searching...I know I'm not the only one is this country who is looking and that's probably why it's so tough! (sigh) In a perfect world, I would get a job interview soon and be able to start the week after we move in! But no...and speaking of new avenues, I'm going to look into going back to school, a real school, in the spring. I'm stoked I qualify for FASFA thanks to Greg (I'll be supporting him, which qualifies me)...I'm excited to see where I am on my 24th birthday, wow, I'm getting old!! Hopefully I'll have a great job, loving the apt, and getting ready for school or even in school already...

God's been blessing me and I sure hope he continues to!

We got the apartment we wanted!

We started checking out apartments just a few weeks ago, and we actually took a look when we went up to Austin to clean out his last apartment because the lease was coming to an end.

Originally I didn't look at this place online and neither did Greg, but driving around, the area we did look at online..lets just say seemed a lot safer online. Talk about being bummed, so we went up one exit and let me tell you what a difference one exit can make. The apartments around there were pretty nice...I remember stopping off at one called Austin City Lights and the cheapest they had was $800 which was out of our price range and then across the street, Jefferson at Falcon Ridge. Greg said we should look and I agreed. We walked in and the leasing office seemed nice. When she showed us around..I was loving it. A fitness center open 24 hrs, 2 pools, a volleyball court with sand, a nature trail around the complex...what more could you ask for? Oh wait, a car care center to wash/vacuum your car for free!

Then she showed us a model apt, which was a slightly different layout, but it gave us an idea of the place...I immediately fell in love! It had hardwood floors, the kitchen had many cabinets, a laundry room with ample room for all of our dirty clothes, and a walk in closet that was huge! It was amazing. At first Greg wanted to wait, but I was worried. She told us they only had one apartment left and at the price of $695, it was definitely a steal...I didn't push it but Greg seemed to like it very much and after consulting with Madre, we put in an application.

Patience is very, very hard! Our leasing agent was out of town last week!!! She didn't even tell us! And finally today we got the car that in one month (okay, so 5 weeks) we will be able to move into our apartment! It's so exciting!! I'm just stoked that we have a study!!! He can do his homework and not be bothered we'll have a place for our guest to stay (just no bed) and it's all ours...

Although I can't wait to move to Austin, there will be a lot to come with it. Thank goodness we spent the summer saving...

Everything really is okay...

I can stop, take a breath and truly say, "Everything really is okay." For once, My bills are completely on time and I'm not stressing the least bit. I wouldn't have been able to do it without Greg. He helps me with the discipline that I obvious lack. It's such a good feeling to know that not one bill is late. Plus we've been able to save a good chunk of change for when we move to austin and we still have about 3 weeks too..maybe 4. I can't remember.

We've been having a good time recently too. We went to the astros game last week. They have a dome for a baseball field...it was definitely different, an experience nonetheless. Then we went to the Museum of Fine Arts. We saw glass blowings and some indonesian pieces, but we mostly looking at european art. My favorite artist, Henri MaTisse. I have always loved his art, even from elementary school days. It was a good trip that definitely was somewhat intellectual. i recall seeing a black box painted on white canvas...I can't remember the artist or the era, but it was captivating for some reason. Anyhow...

Life in Houston has been very well and I'm even more excited for what the future of Austin holds...

Dreams...Reality?

So it's been awhile since I've written, can't help it. Things have been busy. I was sitting for this one cat named Mark. He was a nice guy with two daughters for the summer. At first, I was stoked that one client referred me to him, money never hurt, after a few days...it was more trouble. First off, he originally told him I'd be there no later than 8...The first night his girlfriend did get home at 8. Then the next night 9:45 and then 10:30 and then 11:30. I had to wake up the next morning at 6 am and it was causing fights in my relationship. Greg hated to see me being taken advantage of. So, sadly, after 4 days, I had to resign. Yes, I have bills to pay, but it was causing more trouble and after Greg and I discussed it, it was better for me to leave. My bills are still paid, I just don't have that much play money.

July fourth was coming up and to have some fun we went to the Sam Houston Race Track. It was actually more fun than I'd thought it would be. We went with Greg's friends John && Craig who was visiting from the Army. Placing bets was fun. We bet every race and won a good amount of bets. I can't remember exactly, but all I know is we spent $60 and wont $45 back. $15 isn't a bad for a night of some drinks and bets at the races. Fourth of July was relaxing, after not being able to spend time together in the past 10 days, Greg and I just wanted to stay home and bbq. It was well worth it.

I did not know that Houston had a theater district. Which is Actually pretty cool. I helped plan my first event there! It was for a local film company called InOurSity Films. It wasn't that bad. They showed 4 shorts, talked a little about themselves and then we had the raffle. Us girls, Brit, elana && me have been working so hard on it! I was chatting with Brit most of the night and we exchanged numbers. She didn't know I just came back a few months ago and we'll probably hang out and go dancing or something!! I need to move my hips.

Yesterday Greg and I had to drive up to Austin to start packing up most of his stuff cause his lease is up at the end of July. Boy, we did a good job at getting a sufficient amount of stuff but we still have to go up there next weekend to finish getting it. We will probably end up having to get a U-Haul which isn't bad cause that means we won't have to jam pack our cars, but more money, eek. I bet Greg will probably try to convince madre to pay for it. Anyhow, it was exciting to move his stuff out cause that means we're one step closer to having our own place. =)

Niko Nikos...man, The best Greek food I have ever had. That place was packed && now i know why. It truly was a pretty good lunch && the dessert was just as good, we had wedding cookies, baklava, and something else that I can't even begin to spell. Then Greg && I started chatting about the wedding and we thought it'd be cool to have a night wedding with a dessert bar instead of the main course. It's a thought and I think it would be cheaper, but who knows. I still have about 2 1/2 yrs before our ceremony...Other than that life is going pretty well, bills are getting paid and we're still loving on each other each chance we get. Sure I miss San Diego, but then again, life does move on. I keep in touch with my family && friends and aside from not hanging out that much with people, things are the same.

San Diego will always be home to me and I will always miss it, but life moves on. My future happened to be 1500 miles away and so I went with it. Perhaps after he is done with school we'll be back in Cali, probably los angeles, but then again, we want to live in New York..and talking about NYU...Lets hope these dreams become a reality.

It keeps getting better!

I'm super stoked. Yesterday, Greg got a job at a Vet Hospital! We were worried for a little bit with just me working, but now that he's gotten a job, it definitely takes a little bit of stress off of our shoulders. We've been here for about 3 weeks, looking for 2 weeks and he scored something.

I talked to B, my old co-leader in SD, and it made me a little sad. The girls are going to Build a Bear today and I think tonight is the sleepover, I'm not sure, but it made a bit sad. I wish I could be there, but life moves on. On an interesting note, Kiana is interested in Scouts for Trenadi, so maybe I could work on some try-its with her this summer, we'll see.

I've started to think of some activities to plan with Trenadi on the Saturdays I'm with her all day. I don't want the poor girl sitting in front of the t.v. all day. Tonight we're going to baking a cake and decorating it. It's something for starters, but we'll see what we can create. I'd take her to the park, but so far the weekends have been in the mid-nineties. Don't want to subject her to that.

This coming week, I get to check out Liz's morning schedule before I start sitting her next week. She was so cute and precious. So far, 2 didn't seem THAT terrible, but we shall see...

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, Greg wants to see this exhibit at the Museum of Natural History or Science and then have Greek for lunch. It's nothing for sure cause we have to see about the prices of tickets. If not, it'll be our date day. It's been awhile and friday and saturdays I work, so sunday is date day. Who would have thought..

Life is Beautiful

I officially have 3 babysitting jobs and it's nice. I had the third interview yesterday and her little girl, elizabeth dug me. Hopefully that'll bring in some dough over summer. And right now, my arms are killing me! I took a power sculpt class yesterday and my arms are still sore. I've just been sore now. Greg bought me a wii and we've been playing that too! Combined with that, the gym, swimming...i'm a tender one right now. That's it for today.

Definitely looking up

This has been a good week for me and apparently most people I've talked to as well. The event planning with Heidi is definitely picking up. She decided to compensate me for the first event I was on. That definitely made me excited. She was singing me praises telling me I was the most hard working and she loves me common sense. She also added me onto her other project, I have a feeling, I'm going to be able to continue working with her even when I move to Austin. Plus I'm actually making progress on both events with finding a charity, sponsors, and now working on a few venues. The even better part? We're going to go out next friday, maybe karaoke or something, with her and Jaime from Krunch Thyme Records. And then maybe next week, I get to meet the guys from InOurSity Film. I made a friend. =)

The other happy part is I got two babysitting jobs and working on the third one. Yay, summer work, that makes me feel so much better. The first job is kind of easy. Its for Kiana and she's awesome, love her already. She's got three adorable babies, Trenadi who is 7, Darius aka DJ who is 4, and ms Justic who is 3 and apparently can be a bully. Oh man, when she told me that, I automatically thought of Bernie Mac when he was talked about his bad neice. Hahaha.

The other couple is Tara and Ryan whom are such a gorgeous couple. She's this sweet, natural beauty and he's the all american guy. They have twins, 2 years old. Peyton looks just like her mama, with the sun kissed skin tone and the matching sun kissed hair. And Preston looks more like his dad, just on the paler end. He's quite and shy and she is a talker. They have so much energy, days will definitely be at the pool and or the park.

Greg hasn't found anything yet, and it frustrates him, but he goes around the house helping his mom and she's looking for work for him as well. The good thing is at least I'm working now, so it's not like both of us are being bums. His mom is definitely sweet to me, so i'm glad to be working now and maybe I can pay to take her to dinner. She gets me little odds and ends like half and half for my coffee or lotion. The nicest part was she bought me a cabinet for the bathroom to put all my girlie stuff in cause she noticed it was all sitting in my bags still.

I miss my mom and dad. When I talked to my mom she actually got off the phone saying, "we love you." I know she misses me dearly, but she knows I have to start my own life and if the beginning of that life was in texas, then so be it. I think she'll be ecstatic one day when I'm back for good and I'm doing amazing. I feel so blessed. God really did do some things in my past for a reason and he's continued to bless me. Things aren't always going to be easy or how I want them, but as long as I'm getting somewhere...I'll be happy.

Oh, and for the record, the weather isn't that nasty. I actually don't mind the heat and taking Daisy for walks in the evening is kind of fun....

p.s. Bug Bites exsist and they suck

A new place...sort of

So it's been awhile since I've touched my blog and I've felt deprived! Things have been in a whirlwind these past two weeks. I knew it was going to be fast, but I didn't think things would have been hectic. Packing wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was very freeing to be able to finally go through stuff and decide what's really important to me and what other stuff I could go without or even dare I say, depart from.

When my baby arrived in SD, it was definitely non stop from there once again. I was so excited to see him! I didn't have to be away from him anymore and being away from the one you love for 2 months is NOT easy, props to military and other long distance love. When he got in, the race began. We had dinner with my parents and my sister and her wife. It wasn't too bad, they got to meet him and we celebrated mothers day, mom's birthday and my going away all in one shot. The family definitely loves him and that is always a blessing. The night didn't stop there, we headed over to B's house (my girl scout co-leader) and we had a few drinks and played a few games. Her coworker Mabel was there and we had met her before at B's birthday. It was such a good time, i loved it and hated it at the same time. Bittersweet. We had such a good time, but it would be the last time for awhile.

Saturday wasn't too bad though. We went up to Temecula to see his Great Aunt Anita and meet his Uncle Bruce. Uncle Bruce was cool and Anita was a dear sweet old women who has a cute dog, Sherman the German as they called him. She had a cool house with a nice layout that I wouldn't mind living in myself. After that we took off home where we relaxed for a bit and then headed over to Billy's house for his dad's birthday/going away. We were there kind of early and it was a good time. We had a little BBQ and then the games began. Oh man, Greg played Survivor, which starts off as a race. The first player has to bounce a ping pong into their cup, chug it, and then flip it. There are always 5 cups and 3-5 players per team. Which means, some players may have a few cups. Here's the kicker, whichever team loses, has to "vote" someone off and in the end, it's 2 people going against each other chugging 5 cups...It ended up being Crystal vs. Greg. Greg won...but he also puked a bit. No one gave him hell cause he did win, but poor him couldn't keep it down after throwing back about 6 beers in ten minutes. It was our cue to exit after that. We went home so we could be well rested for the drive the next morning.

On sunday, the car was pretty much packed and by 11 a.m. we were ready to go. I said bye to my parents, which I was on the verge of tearing, and then we took off. The first day driving wasn't bad, we made it to El Paso, TX. The next day just plain sucked. Anyone who has ever driven through Texas knows how much of a pain it is to drive through about 10 hours of just plain land. It even rained a bit, which was definitely not fun. That's one thing I'll have to adjust to again is learning how to drive in the rain. Memorial Day night is when we arrived. It was about midnight and boy was it good to be home and out of the car. We knocked out and the next morning I thought it'd be lazy days..not so fast.

When I woke up, his grandparents were already awake (they get up at about 6am or so) and I met them..in my pjs..at 8 am. They're so sweet, but grandpa is definitely a talker. Now I know where Greg gets it from. The week with them was fun. We cooked dinners together, went out to dinner together, went on a sailboat and celebrated his moms birthday too. The funny thing about that, our moms share the same birthday. Thank goodness my mom doesn't care for hers or else it could be trouble in the future. I got his mom a quilters bag which is very cute and it has special pockets for their tools. She loved it. =)

They left on Saturday and it was sad to see them go, but now I could unpack my car and get things situated since they were staying in gregs room and I couldn't unpack my clothes or anything. The weekend was lovely to be lazy. Greg did some work for a friend and made some dough and we got to relax, just him and me..and my future mother in-law. ;) We want to get married, but no ring yet. I'm not worried. I have all the time. Plus he doesn't believe in being engaged longer than a year. It's his belief people won't get married or it'll cause more problems. But to each their own.

Monday rolled around and things definitely settled. His mom was heading back to work and we would be able to start job searching which is hard in this bad economy on top of looking for short term work. I still have my internship that I'm resuming now that things are settled and the best part? I'm actually gonna get paid. Sweet, my boss loves me. So, to a normal schedule I go of going to the gym in the morning and then doing some work and searching for more work.

I'm off to watch some Jon and Kate plus 8 with my baby.

Just a good few days...

I've been loving life since about Thursday. It started out with having coffee with Drew for 4 hours!!! We sat there and totally chatted for 4 hours, actually talking to each other and revealing things we normally wouldn't have in our "drunken dr. phil" talks.

The night didn't stop there..we went and hung out with Billy and Daisy and went to some funny mexican's house where they were drinking, it was a good time. I didn't really drink, but I love watching other people..especially Daisy! That girl had 4 yager bombs and climbed on Billy. We were all laughing hard.

Friday was a simple day, then when I was talking to my baby, he asked about Kristen and I decided to call Kristen. I missed her and it had been about a week since we chatted. I picked her up and she came with me to the mall to get some earrings to match my dress and then we got a bite to eat. We caught up, she told me about "her greg" and we talked about mine (how cute is that?) it came to be about 8:30ish..I knew greg would be home soon and she had a date with her Greg, so I thought I'd call it a night....Not quite yet. Kristen texted me and she wanted me to join her and Greg at Fred's in Old Town...I was already in bed, I was talking to my baby on the phone...but he said to get out and have a drink..ok...so I dressed myself, made sure I didn't look like a slob and made my way over. Greg bought me a cabo-rita (how sweet!) It had tequila and blue caraco..and that's all i remember....It seriously took me about 45 minutes to down that. What can I say, I don't drink much anymore. He had ordered me a second one and I told the waitress I'd have a blue hawaiian instead. NOW THAT was a good drink. It neared 1:30 and I had to call it a night. I was buzzed, tired, and had a weddding to attend where I didn't want to look like crap...

I remember waking up at 11:30 or so and rolling over. Having a few conversations with Greg here and there and finally getting my butt in the shower. The funny thing was Laarni calling me at 12 saying she was getting the gift. I knew she was gonna be running late. I made plans to meet up with her for the wedding later. At 2:10 I was on my way to meet her at the hall and the girl was still getting ready and she had to pick up lalaine! Ahhhh. I offered to pick up lalaine and she wasn't ready. EEK! We're gonna be late. She got in the car and I just told Laarni to meet us at the church. 2:55 p.m...yes, we've made it and we're not late. I saw some of the others had just parked as well...and the groomsmen were outside...why? The bride wasn't there yet...we'll I'm glad we were on time....

The Bride and her maids were late about an hour. People were hungry and cranky. After the ceremony, everyone headed over to the hall. Some people had stopped and got something to eat too. Walking around with their drink cups..uh huh...lol. They had it catered and that dumb staff had the nerves to be picking at the food when us, the guests, had to watch them as we waited for Billy and Daisy to arrive...what I wouldn't give to kick one...I did see Jessica Barris there. It was so nice to catch up and that girl is going to be someone important in D.C. one day, I swear. They arrived and the night seemed to blend...we ate...watched the dances..caught up on what was going on, why everything was late. People had started to leave earlier and I couldn't really blame them much...the wedding had started late..and they were tired and hungry and the kids all running around. Who could blame em.

The wedding was beautiful. Daisy looked beautiful and I know those two were soo happy when it was all over...

The next day, I met up with Maria and Laarni joined us later for some coffee. It was nice to caqthc up, talk about Greg, and Glenn and future plans to move. Maria's been thinking about Chicago and we chatted about my moving to Austin, and then who knows where. We were discussing weddings and all that girly stuff. It was such a good time..Maria had to leave at about 6 and Laarni and I headed over to Billy's parents house were Laarni gave them their gift late and we just hung around. Poor Daisy had an eye infection and it was a good time to hang around outside just catching up. The funny thing is daisy didn't know I was moving. I could swear everyone knew I was..hmmm. It was nice to see them and it is sad, but life moves on. I'm in love and one day I want a family and it starts with us. I may not have the engagement ring, but we've talked about it through and through and that boy never lets me forgets how much he loves me...and you can't blame a guy for wanting to give me a ring that we don't owe money on.

Love is in the air..

A new life..

I can't remember the last time I was excited as this. I'm moving and I thought it would be very hard to leave all of this and I think the hardest part will be being away from my dog and my girl scouts. Other than that, people have made it pretty easy to say Good Bye. I've already relinquished just about all of my responsibilities. It was freeing and sad at the same time.

I never thought I'd be going back to Texas... and now I am with the man of my dreams. It's surreal, sometimes I feel like, "Is this really happening?" I've heard some really great things about Austin, so I'm not worried at all. I'm more concerned of packing up the car! Last time I went Sarah and I both had a bunch of stuff...but this time it's all me! What to take..what to leave? Definitely leaving behind the high school memories. That's what your parents house is for. The high school memories. Life is different now. I want to remember now...and not 8 years ago.

The only thing that did bother me was living together, not married, but we've talked about it and the date is just about set. It's only a matter of making sure that we slowly start paying for things. If someone would have told me on January 1, that I would be moving with the man of my dreams, I probably would have laughed and it's all happening...crazy. 10 days and I leave. What a great feeling.

Wasn't in God's plan?

So it's been over a month since I had my interview with the casting director, Holland. Part of me wonders what I didn't do to catch their eye and the other part of me...It's not in God's plan for me and I'm okay with that. It's not easy to always accept, but I'll live. Perhaps this is a journey that I am just meant to make on my own. After all, it's not rocket science. Just dedication. And hopefully with the support of someone very special, it'll all work out well..or so I hope.

I don't feel discouraged, it would have been quite the surprise if I had been chosen..Maybe next season?

The Interview with a Casting Director 3.15.09

(Published today, written on Sunday, March 15, 2009)
Let me just start off by saying how long today was. I woke up around 7:30 a.m. to run over and feed Stephanie's cat and then run to church where I had service and then Children's ministry! Which by the way, the kids were so amazing today!! Megan walked with me to the parking lot and she asked to pray for me. She held my hands and prayed that my nerves be calmed and that I say not my words, but the lords words. I felt so much better. She gave me and hug and told me to be me. After church, I went off to Sarah's house. She was helping me fill out my application. I know it's not difficult, but I wanted to be real and who better to tell me my worst qualities than my best friend! I also had to "get ready." The email I received said to look like I was going out on a date or to dinner with friends.

3:30 p.m. I really need to speed it up and I'm only on page 4 of this 9 page application!! My hair was already up...Despite the prayers, I was still a little nervous. "I'm going to cry aren't I." I knew I was...I'm an emotional person. 3:50p.m. rolled around. I was getting dressed and sarah was helping me finish my application. She walked me to the car, told me I was amazing and they would see it. I started driving to the hotel..."Lord, this is all in your hands."

4:16 p.m. I arrived to the hotel. Walked into the lobby and saw two gentlemen looking at me, (were they there for the same reason). I wasn't too bothered, I had to find the little girls room! When I came back into the lobby, I saw DJ, the casting director speaking to that gentlemen. So I sat down and started making small talk with his friend. I saw another girl walk out, her hair was curled and she was in a dress with heels and probably a target bag full of little things to help her win. For a minute I feel insecure. I was in heels, jeans, and a sparkly top. I just had a skirt from when I was 17, a softball picture of me, and a family picture. I reminded myself, I am who I am and if they like me, it's for me, not what I'm wearing.

4:41 p.m. This girl came down to get me. She was quiet and she was the casting director's assistant. I tried to make conversation. It's awkward to be in an elevator with someone whom isn't talking. She took me to the 4th floor and introduced me to Holland, another casting director. She was beautiful and very sweet. I was starting to feel relaxed. I sat down, took my my little jacket which covered my arms and I had a camera sitting in front of me. The only weird thing was I wasn't sure if I was to look at the camera or Holland. I looked at Holland because that's the respectful thing to do. She started off slow asking me about who I am. I told her I was the sarcastic person and that when I'm not cracking jokes, my friends wonder what's up with me. Then she started moving on to the more personal ones..."Why do you want to lose weight." That's it, I lost it. I started crying and told her how amazing people tell me I am and I can't live my own life. I'm scared to meet friends of friends because I'm afraid they'll judge me. It almost felt like a therapy session! What a way to start off the interview...but, it was real and that's all I wanted.

5:17 p.m. I was in my car. The interview felt like it went forever, but it was probably no more than 25 minutes. It felt good. I was proud of what I told her. It was the truth. Those tears were from years and years of pain from this prison. All I could hope for now was that in a week, I would get that email asking me to fill out this paperwork and hopefully tell me how to record my homevideo. If this is in God's plan...and I continue to pray it is.

I must have done something right (3.14.09)

Where to start...

Saturday, March 14, 2009.

I woke up this morning hating life because I had gone to bed the night before at about 1:00 a.m. but I knew if I didn't get up now, I'd kick myself for not going to this casting call that I had been waiting for. My first surprise is that I didn't wake up my brother to go with me. Megan wasn't able to go and I was scared to go alone, yet when I woke up that morning, God told me to go alone. He said I needed too. I was driving down Laning and I saw the conference center in sight. "That line doesn't look bad for (pause) 8:00 a.m." I parked and when I saw the real line which was hiding behind the shopping center, I was in awe. There were so many people there and all just wanting to lose weight just like me.

I saw a girl walking by herself with a camp chair in her arm and that made me feel better knowing I wasn't going to be the only one not in a "couple." I walked up and I called Megan to ease my nerves. After we chatted for a few minutes, I got off the phone and sucked it up. I started chatting with the people around me. 9:45 a.m. rolled around. Yay! We're moving... Apparently they just wanted to move us out of the shopping center and wrapped us around the building. It was almost time for them to start the open call. They passed out very short applications that had a number in the corner. 255 was mine. Not bad, I was just about the half way mark. The website said they promised only to see the first 500 applicants. I could deal with that. One of the staff had told us that there were only about 370 to 400 people so far. I guess California really isn't a "fat" place.

12:30 p.m. We had found out that other cities had about 1000-1200 applicants and here we were. Around 400. We thought this process would go quicker since we just cut the normal number to about a third...Yet 2 1/2 hours later...I'm still standing...my legs hurt. I could have complained, but if I want this bad enough, I'll shut up and stand...

2:18 p.m. Were we ever going to get seen? At least we had made it around the building and we were getting close. The girl I saw walking earlier, Chantrell actually walked into the nail shop in the shopping center and got a fill!! I thought that was hilarious. The sad part, we barely moved while she was in there for about 45 minutes. At this point, we had sort of formed a friendship standing next to strangers for about 6 hours. There was Chantrell. She was the girl who just wanted to look down (and I quote) and see her "privates." (She told that to the casting director too). Then there was Karen. She was a teacher at Miller Elementary. How funny was that! Some of my girl scouts go there. Agnes. What a sweet, sweet woman. She was a filipina, so naturally I took to her and the crazy thing is I would have never known her real age! Miss Utah, Sarah. She was very sweet and she had this poster board with a bunch of pictures of her. I thought it was just great, that was pretty clever of her and a good way to let them remember her. She actually came in from Utah for this casting call! Chrissy was next. I thought she was such an amazing person. We were talking about her marriage and her daughter, who was a girl scout. We started talking about booth sales for Girl Scout Cookies. Then there was Sony and Margarite. They were the only team there. They were so much fun to watch. They bounced humor off each other like me and my best friend, Sarah. Such great women...

3:44 p.m. We're finally in! We're in this foyer, seperated into three groups, 2 sets of 8 and one group of 6. I got seperated from the girls, but they still cheered me on as we walked right into the conference hall. My casting director was DJ. He seemed like a cool laid back guy. "Hi everyone, thank you for coming to our open casting call. Let's start with your name, age, hometown, and occupation." Okay, that's an easy way to start. Then he moved on to "Tell me why do you want to lose weight." One woman was talking about how she put it off, another mentioned wanting to join the military, one man seriously said he wanted to not cut himself while shaving in places the sun didn't shine and then it came to me. I had to be honest, "I just want to get married, and have kids. Even if I get married, I don't want trouble with pregnancy due to my weight. And if I have kids, I don't want to raise them with the same issues I had growing up. I was raised here in California and it's not kind to overweight people." "Thank you all for coming. We'll be doing call backs by 8:00 p.m. If you don't hear from you, don't be discouraged, you can still send in a tape, 2-3 minutes long letting us know more about you."

4:01 p.m. I was walking out. I wasn't sure if I caught his eye, but it was the truth and the truth is all I could give. They either like me or they don't. The other girls came out right after I did. We exchanged emails and wished each other luck. It really was a great time. Now...I was to wait.

6:30 p.m. I fell asleep when I got home because it was an early day and a long day. Plus I didn't have to be at my friend Billy's house until later. That's my lady, she will never let me down... That song started going off. My phone was ringing. It was a number I didn't know..was this it?!
"Hello?"
"Hi, Belle?"
"Yes?"
"This is DJ, a casting director with Biggest Loser."
"Oh my goodness. Are you kidding?! Is this real?!"

They wanted me for a call back!!! Is this God's plan? Is this what he has in store for me?! I had a call back set for March 15 at 4:30 p.m. and I was to expect an email with details to come. Wow...I just had to call my friends. God is blessing me and it's obvious. What is he going to bring to my life next...

Trying to see God's plan

Last week, I was 100% sure that I'm suppose to go for the casting call for biggest loser. And then this week, I get an interview. I'm so direly confused. I want to follow God's plan and I'm curious to see what it holds for me. I know that just because I have an interview doesn't mean anything, but I've been applying for jobs now for about 6 weeks or so and not one call and then the week of the casting call, I get a call? I don't like trying to figure out God's plan because I feel like it sets me up for disappointment.

I don't know what the future holds and it's hard not to think about it. On one hand I think, "wow, what if I make it onto biggest loser?! That would change my life and for the better?" and the other part wonders, "Well, what if I get a job before?" The job is safer because getting chosen to be on a show isn't the easiest task. But if I get a job and get chosen, how would I tell my new found job that?

I know I'm suppose to wait, but it's sooooo hard! Lord, help me to see your plan.

A sign? A dream. A future...

It was last wednesday in the evening. I was talking to Grace, my lifelong friend whom I've known for years. We were on our way to 1825 Cafe a.k.a. bible study. She says the weirdest thing happened to her today. She happens to be watching the Tyra Show (she never watches due to work) and Tyra mentioned that on cycle 13 of America's Next Top Model, she would cast only 5'7 and under. Normally it's the other way around. Grace has been wanting to get into modeling since for ever, but it's not an easy industry to break into...The casting call for ANTM happens to be at the end of this month and it's in L.A.

**This may not seem relevant, but it is.**

Grace knows it's God telling her to go for whatever plan he has for her. That made me think about the only show I've ever considered going on. Biggest Loser. I wanted to audition for that show a few years back but unfortunately a very, very negative ex-best friend stopped me from that...so I never did it. Back to wednesday, Grace mentions her ANTM to me and when I get home, I check my DVR to watch reruns of Sex and The City and BAM!! There is Biggest Loser recorded from the night before. (The scary part is that I stopped recording that show about 6 weeks ago because it wasn't coming in.) I looked up and thought, "What are you telling me, God?" Intrigued by this, I went to my computer to watch the current episode online. Thinking of the conversation between Grace and I earlier, I checked the casting calls. March 14. That's the casting date for San Diego!! I think if God were to make it any more obvious he'd have to kick me!

I've been praying about it and it won't leave me alone. There's been times before where I had an idea or a hope and after a few days, it lost its excitement. But this, this has been in my dreams, in my thoughts. It won't leave me. Perhaps this is God's plan for me and maybe it has another purpose. I won't know until I get to that point.

Pray for me. I want this. For more than anyone except my Lord could understand.

Gr!! Make it stop!!

I never thought having medical insurance was that big of a deal...apparently I was wrong. I felt it coming on...a few days ago I remember waking up to go to the bathroom..and thinking, "ooh goodness, I'm getting a UTI."

I love it how we as humans seem to think we can lie to ourselves about whether or not we have it...I woke up the next few days trying to convince myself, "I don't have it. Drink Water, take vitamin C." And of course it doesn't help, I think it may even have gotten worse!! Note to author of The Secret: "Stop lying to people."

When I turned 23, I lost my military benefits, apparently we're suppose to have our lives in order by 23, and it was sad at first, no more being on base, checking out the uniforms walking around and getting cheaper gas and cigarettes...but now, all I want is to go to that friggin hospital and walk away with meds in hang. =(

a start...

My friend Megan is starting this LYRIC ministry at church. She's into poetry and spoken word. In hopes of growing our friendship we went to Sunset cliffs together on Saturday to write...At first I didn't think much of it, just a way to spend time with a new friend. However, I really missed writing. I use to journal all the time..until an ex found my journals and read them. Yes I wasn't faithful at the time, but when someone reads your personal journal you feel stripped of privacy. I felt naked... and I stopped writing for the longest. I tried to get back into it, but once you stop it's hard...

God has certianly changed some things in my life and I think it's time I start pouring my thoughts out again...and besides, I'd love to share the amazing things God has planned for me. So this is Belle's story. a.k.a. me. It's going to be an interesting one..but one that is certainly different.