The Interview with a Casting Director 3.15.09

(Published today, written on Sunday, March 15, 2009)
Let me just start off by saying how long today was. I woke up around 7:30 a.m. to run over and feed Stephanie's cat and then run to church where I had service and then Children's ministry! Which by the way, the kids were so amazing today!! Megan walked with me to the parking lot and she asked to pray for me. She held my hands and prayed that my nerves be calmed and that I say not my words, but the lords words. I felt so much better. She gave me and hug and told me to be me. After church, I went off to Sarah's house. She was helping me fill out my application. I know it's not difficult, but I wanted to be real and who better to tell me my worst qualities than my best friend! I also had to "get ready." The email I received said to look like I was going out on a date or to dinner with friends.

3:30 p.m. I really need to speed it up and I'm only on page 4 of this 9 page application!! My hair was already up...Despite the prayers, I was still a little nervous. "I'm going to cry aren't I." I knew I was...I'm an emotional person. 3:50p.m. rolled around. I was getting dressed and sarah was helping me finish my application. She walked me to the car, told me I was amazing and they would see it. I started driving to the hotel..."Lord, this is all in your hands."

4:16 p.m. I arrived to the hotel. Walked into the lobby and saw two gentlemen looking at me, (were they there for the same reason). I wasn't too bothered, I had to find the little girls room! When I came back into the lobby, I saw DJ, the casting director speaking to that gentlemen. So I sat down and started making small talk with his friend. I saw another girl walk out, her hair was curled and she was in a dress with heels and probably a target bag full of little things to help her win. For a minute I feel insecure. I was in heels, jeans, and a sparkly top. I just had a skirt from when I was 17, a softball picture of me, and a family picture. I reminded myself, I am who I am and if they like me, it's for me, not what I'm wearing.

4:41 p.m. This girl came down to get me. She was quiet and she was the casting director's assistant. I tried to make conversation. It's awkward to be in an elevator with someone whom isn't talking. She took me to the 4th floor and introduced me to Holland, another casting director. She was beautiful and very sweet. I was starting to feel relaxed. I sat down, took my my little jacket which covered my arms and I had a camera sitting in front of me. The only weird thing was I wasn't sure if I was to look at the camera or Holland. I looked at Holland because that's the respectful thing to do. She started off slow asking me about who I am. I told her I was the sarcastic person and that when I'm not cracking jokes, my friends wonder what's up with me. Then she started moving on to the more personal ones..."Why do you want to lose weight." That's it, I lost it. I started crying and told her how amazing people tell me I am and I can't live my own life. I'm scared to meet friends of friends because I'm afraid they'll judge me. It almost felt like a therapy session! What a way to start off the interview...but, it was real and that's all I wanted.

5:17 p.m. I was in my car. The interview felt like it went forever, but it was probably no more than 25 minutes. It felt good. I was proud of what I told her. It was the truth. Those tears were from years and years of pain from this prison. All I could hope for now was that in a week, I would get that email asking me to fill out this paperwork and hopefully tell me how to record my homevideo. If this is in God's plan...and I continue to pray it is.