The Interview with a Casting Director 3.15.09

(Published today, written on Sunday, March 15, 2009)
Let me just start off by saying how long today was. I woke up around 7:30 a.m. to run over and feed Stephanie's cat and then run to church where I had service and then Children's ministry! Which by the way, the kids were so amazing today!! Megan walked with me to the parking lot and she asked to pray for me. She held my hands and prayed that my nerves be calmed and that I say not my words, but the lords words. I felt so much better. She gave me and hug and told me to be me. After church, I went off to Sarah's house. She was helping me fill out my application. I know it's not difficult, but I wanted to be real and who better to tell me my worst qualities than my best friend! I also had to "get ready." The email I received said to look like I was going out on a date or to dinner with friends.

3:30 p.m. I really need to speed it up and I'm only on page 4 of this 9 page application!! My hair was already up...Despite the prayers, I was still a little nervous. "I'm going to cry aren't I." I knew I was...I'm an emotional person. 3:50p.m. rolled around. I was getting dressed and sarah was helping me finish my application. She walked me to the car, told me I was amazing and they would see it. I started driving to the hotel..."Lord, this is all in your hands."

4:16 p.m. I arrived to the hotel. Walked into the lobby and saw two gentlemen looking at me, (were they there for the same reason). I wasn't too bothered, I had to find the little girls room! When I came back into the lobby, I saw DJ, the casting director speaking to that gentlemen. So I sat down and started making small talk with his friend. I saw another girl walk out, her hair was curled and she was in a dress with heels and probably a target bag full of little things to help her win. For a minute I feel insecure. I was in heels, jeans, and a sparkly top. I just had a skirt from when I was 17, a softball picture of me, and a family picture. I reminded myself, I am who I am and if they like me, it's for me, not what I'm wearing.

4:41 p.m. This girl came down to get me. She was quiet and she was the casting director's assistant. I tried to make conversation. It's awkward to be in an elevator with someone whom isn't talking. She took me to the 4th floor and introduced me to Holland, another casting director. She was beautiful and very sweet. I was starting to feel relaxed. I sat down, took my my little jacket which covered my arms and I had a camera sitting in front of me. The only weird thing was I wasn't sure if I was to look at the camera or Holland. I looked at Holland because that's the respectful thing to do. She started off slow asking me about who I am. I told her I was the sarcastic person and that when I'm not cracking jokes, my friends wonder what's up with me. Then she started moving on to the more personal ones..."Why do you want to lose weight." That's it, I lost it. I started crying and told her how amazing people tell me I am and I can't live my own life. I'm scared to meet friends of friends because I'm afraid they'll judge me. It almost felt like a therapy session! What a way to start off the interview...but, it was real and that's all I wanted.

5:17 p.m. I was in my car. The interview felt like it went forever, but it was probably no more than 25 minutes. It felt good. I was proud of what I told her. It was the truth. Those tears were from years and years of pain from this prison. All I could hope for now was that in a week, I would get that email asking me to fill out this paperwork and hopefully tell me how to record my homevideo. If this is in God's plan...and I continue to pray it is.

I must have done something right (3.14.09)

Where to start...

Saturday, March 14, 2009.

I woke up this morning hating life because I had gone to bed the night before at about 1:00 a.m. but I knew if I didn't get up now, I'd kick myself for not going to this casting call that I had been waiting for. My first surprise is that I didn't wake up my brother to go with me. Megan wasn't able to go and I was scared to go alone, yet when I woke up that morning, God told me to go alone. He said I needed too. I was driving down Laning and I saw the conference center in sight. "That line doesn't look bad for (pause) 8:00 a.m." I parked and when I saw the real line which was hiding behind the shopping center, I was in awe. There were so many people there and all just wanting to lose weight just like me.

I saw a girl walking by herself with a camp chair in her arm and that made me feel better knowing I wasn't going to be the only one not in a "couple." I walked up and I called Megan to ease my nerves. After we chatted for a few minutes, I got off the phone and sucked it up. I started chatting with the people around me. 9:45 a.m. rolled around. Yay! We're moving... Apparently they just wanted to move us out of the shopping center and wrapped us around the building. It was almost time for them to start the open call. They passed out very short applications that had a number in the corner. 255 was mine. Not bad, I was just about the half way mark. The website said they promised only to see the first 500 applicants. I could deal with that. One of the staff had told us that there were only about 370 to 400 people so far. I guess California really isn't a "fat" place.

12:30 p.m. We had found out that other cities had about 1000-1200 applicants and here we were. Around 400. We thought this process would go quicker since we just cut the normal number to about a third...Yet 2 1/2 hours later...I'm still standing...my legs hurt. I could have complained, but if I want this bad enough, I'll shut up and stand...

2:18 p.m. Were we ever going to get seen? At least we had made it around the building and we were getting close. The girl I saw walking earlier, Chantrell actually walked into the nail shop in the shopping center and got a fill!! I thought that was hilarious. The sad part, we barely moved while she was in there for about 45 minutes. At this point, we had sort of formed a friendship standing next to strangers for about 6 hours. There was Chantrell. She was the girl who just wanted to look down (and I quote) and see her "privates." (She told that to the casting director too). Then there was Karen. She was a teacher at Miller Elementary. How funny was that! Some of my girl scouts go there. Agnes. What a sweet, sweet woman. She was a filipina, so naturally I took to her and the crazy thing is I would have never known her real age! Miss Utah, Sarah. She was very sweet and she had this poster board with a bunch of pictures of her. I thought it was just great, that was pretty clever of her and a good way to let them remember her. She actually came in from Utah for this casting call! Chrissy was next. I thought she was such an amazing person. We were talking about her marriage and her daughter, who was a girl scout. We started talking about booth sales for Girl Scout Cookies. Then there was Sony and Margarite. They were the only team there. They were so much fun to watch. They bounced humor off each other like me and my best friend, Sarah. Such great women...

3:44 p.m. We're finally in! We're in this foyer, seperated into three groups, 2 sets of 8 and one group of 6. I got seperated from the girls, but they still cheered me on as we walked right into the conference hall. My casting director was DJ. He seemed like a cool laid back guy. "Hi everyone, thank you for coming to our open casting call. Let's start with your name, age, hometown, and occupation." Okay, that's an easy way to start. Then he moved on to "Tell me why do you want to lose weight." One woman was talking about how she put it off, another mentioned wanting to join the military, one man seriously said he wanted to not cut himself while shaving in places the sun didn't shine and then it came to me. I had to be honest, "I just want to get married, and have kids. Even if I get married, I don't want trouble with pregnancy due to my weight. And if I have kids, I don't want to raise them with the same issues I had growing up. I was raised here in California and it's not kind to overweight people." "Thank you all for coming. We'll be doing call backs by 8:00 p.m. If you don't hear from you, don't be discouraged, you can still send in a tape, 2-3 minutes long letting us know more about you."

4:01 p.m. I was walking out. I wasn't sure if I caught his eye, but it was the truth and the truth is all I could give. They either like me or they don't. The other girls came out right after I did. We exchanged emails and wished each other luck. It really was a great time. Now...I was to wait.

6:30 p.m. I fell asleep when I got home because it was an early day and a long day. Plus I didn't have to be at my friend Billy's house until later. That's my lady, she will never let me down... That song started going off. My phone was ringing. It was a number I didn't know..was this it?!
"Hello?"
"Hi, Belle?"
"Yes?"
"This is DJ, a casting director with Biggest Loser."
"Oh my goodness. Are you kidding?! Is this real?!"

They wanted me for a call back!!! Is this God's plan? Is this what he has in store for me?! I had a call back set for March 15 at 4:30 p.m. and I was to expect an email with details to come. Wow...I just had to call my friends. God is blessing me and it's obvious. What is he going to bring to my life next...

Trying to see God's plan

Last week, I was 100% sure that I'm suppose to go for the casting call for biggest loser. And then this week, I get an interview. I'm so direly confused. I want to follow God's plan and I'm curious to see what it holds for me. I know that just because I have an interview doesn't mean anything, but I've been applying for jobs now for about 6 weeks or so and not one call and then the week of the casting call, I get a call? I don't like trying to figure out God's plan because I feel like it sets me up for disappointment.

I don't know what the future holds and it's hard not to think about it. On one hand I think, "wow, what if I make it onto biggest loser?! That would change my life and for the better?" and the other part wonders, "Well, what if I get a job before?" The job is safer because getting chosen to be on a show isn't the easiest task. But if I get a job and get chosen, how would I tell my new found job that?

I know I'm suppose to wait, but it's sooooo hard! Lord, help me to see your plan.

A sign? A dream. A future...

It was last wednesday in the evening. I was talking to Grace, my lifelong friend whom I've known for years. We were on our way to 1825 Cafe a.k.a. bible study. She says the weirdest thing happened to her today. She happens to be watching the Tyra Show (she never watches due to work) and Tyra mentioned that on cycle 13 of America's Next Top Model, she would cast only 5'7 and under. Normally it's the other way around. Grace has been wanting to get into modeling since for ever, but it's not an easy industry to break into...The casting call for ANTM happens to be at the end of this month and it's in L.A.

**This may not seem relevant, but it is.**

Grace knows it's God telling her to go for whatever plan he has for her. That made me think about the only show I've ever considered going on. Biggest Loser. I wanted to audition for that show a few years back but unfortunately a very, very negative ex-best friend stopped me from that...so I never did it. Back to wednesday, Grace mentions her ANTM to me and when I get home, I check my DVR to watch reruns of Sex and The City and BAM!! There is Biggest Loser recorded from the night before. (The scary part is that I stopped recording that show about 6 weeks ago because it wasn't coming in.) I looked up and thought, "What are you telling me, God?" Intrigued by this, I went to my computer to watch the current episode online. Thinking of the conversation between Grace and I earlier, I checked the casting calls. March 14. That's the casting date for San Diego!! I think if God were to make it any more obvious he'd have to kick me!

I've been praying about it and it won't leave me alone. There's been times before where I had an idea or a hope and after a few days, it lost its excitement. But this, this has been in my dreams, in my thoughts. It won't leave me. Perhaps this is God's plan for me and maybe it has another purpose. I won't know until I get to that point.

Pray for me. I want this. For more than anyone except my Lord could understand.

Gr!! Make it stop!!

I never thought having medical insurance was that big of a deal...apparently I was wrong. I felt it coming on...a few days ago I remember waking up to go to the bathroom..and thinking, "ooh goodness, I'm getting a UTI."

I love it how we as humans seem to think we can lie to ourselves about whether or not we have it...I woke up the next few days trying to convince myself, "I don't have it. Drink Water, take vitamin C." And of course it doesn't help, I think it may even have gotten worse!! Note to author of The Secret: "Stop lying to people."

When I turned 23, I lost my military benefits, apparently we're suppose to have our lives in order by 23, and it was sad at first, no more being on base, checking out the uniforms walking around and getting cheaper gas and cigarettes...but now, all I want is to go to that friggin hospital and walk away with meds in hang. =(

a start...

My friend Megan is starting this LYRIC ministry at church. She's into poetry and spoken word. In hopes of growing our friendship we went to Sunset cliffs together on Saturday to write...At first I didn't think much of it, just a way to spend time with a new friend. However, I really missed writing. I use to journal all the time..until an ex found my journals and read them. Yes I wasn't faithful at the time, but when someone reads your personal journal you feel stripped of privacy. I felt naked... and I stopped writing for the longest. I tried to get back into it, but once you stop it's hard...

God has certianly changed some things in my life and I think it's time I start pouring my thoughts out again...and besides, I'd love to share the amazing things God has planned for me. So this is Belle's story. a.k.a. me. It's going to be an interesting one..but one that is certainly different.